Life’s a journey
“Emerald” is a pseudonym for a little girl who’s developmental evolution in 2 months has put me in awe of how much kids are growing in their first years. There was something about Emerald when I first met her that made me wonder about her. She was so timid, and completely unused to people outside her family. She wouldn’t let anyone pick her up. She cried and cried when her mother left the first time. And the second time. And the third time. And the fourth time. Comforting a distressed child (without being able to touch them!) can be stressful and emotionally exhausting and while I was ready to persevere, I wasn’t totally disappointed when, after over a week, they stopped coming in.
A few weeks later, I had a dream about Emerald. A dream where she was sitting on my lap, looking at pictures, and telling me which ones frightened her, and which ones she liked. In the dream, she was the same age and size, but she was also older. She was a combination of lots of things, including herself, my step-son, and me. It was a happy dream, and I wanted it to be true.
When Emerald’s mother called this month to say she thought it was time to come back, I was surprised. Over the phone, she told me that Emerald had recently begun playing a game I’d taught her when she was at Buddings, all by herself. My dream came back to me in a rush and I wanted to tell her about it, but I didn’t manage it very well. Instead, I told her I would be happy to have Emerald come back, and that I agreed that it was a good sign. We set a date, and they arrived.
Emerald has been in almost every day for 2 weeks now and while she did cry the first 2 days, she also recovered and played. She becomes very attached to various objects (a cup, a fish, etc.), so finding the toys she likes, and quickly disgarding what she doesn’t led us to Mr. Potato Head, which she played with exclusively for 2 more days. After 6 visits, I picked her up and for a diaper change, no problem. A few days after that, she started taking my hand to lead me places, and then today… Today, she watched her mother leave without a fuss, and after 20 minutes of playing, raised her arms to be picked up! I picked her up, cuddled her, sat with her on my lap, and let her put her face very close to mine while she giggled, before wondering off to find a toy.
I was sitting on the bench, still savouring the break-through, when another boy climbed onto my lap to be bounced. Emerald joined us and was climbing onto the seat next to us when the boy’s mother arrived. Spotting her son, she walked over to us, picked Emerald up and set her on her own lap so she could talk face-to-face with her son. I tried to act natural.
Was Emerald upset? No. After 2 weeks of daily observations and interactions with the children and adults at Buddings, Emerald had completely adjusted. She wasn’t shocked or frightened. She tilted her head back, further and further, until she could see who was holding her, but by that time, it was time for the boy and his mother to leave. I put him down and the mother stood up, returning Emerald to the seat next to me.
“What beautiful eyes she has,” his mother said, patting Emerald’s head before turning her attention to her son and locating his lunch box. I laughed and agreed.
I might have liked to take the credit for Emerald’s turnaround, but the feeling I have now is an amazement for how natural the whole progression really was. It wasn’t a turnaround at all. Her world, which had previously included only her family and herself, had expanded to more than 10 times its previous size, and when protest to the change failed, she accepted it. I feel excited by the thought that, while this is an epic milestone now, it will be followed so quickly by so many more. It already has. She’ll grow up and become a confident, independent woman, with opinions and preferences. I’m honoured to play a part in her life, and the lives of all the kids, but she’s the one doing all the work.
